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Annual subscriptions for 2012:
Match Fees:
At weekends usually just the cost of tea, which is generally between £2.50 and £3.00,
though if league umpires are present an extra £2 is likely to be charged to cover their costs.
Midweek league matches have a match fee of £1.50 (to cover umpires' fees
and minor administration costs), and midweek evening friendlies are generally free.
"The old philosopher is still with us in … the shirt which ought to be at wash, blinking,
puffing, rolling his head, drumming with his fingers, tearing his meat like a tiger, and
swallowing his tea in oceans." So runs Macaulay's final reminiscence of Johnson.
Old Staff cricketers sometimes enjoy the confidence of their colleagues, and sometimes not;
but always they have opinions, and rationalisations for their actions at the ready.
In short, they too are philosophers. The tea is the key here. Staff cricketers
have clean shirts, do not blink, seldom puff, and eat meat with delicacy if at all.
But tea they do drink; not sipping, but swallowing.
Amongst the subjects that attract the opinion of cricketers is the cricket tea. First,
that there shall be one, and second that it shall be of satisfying quality. It is in the
interest of the consumers that preparation shall have been detailed and luxurious, but it
is in the contrary interest of the tea-maker to spend as little time and trouble as possible.
Luckily the tea-maker's minimalist tendency is tempered by a common interest with the
consumers, since all Staff cricketers provide the tea in turn. Few indeed get any help
from their partners in this enterprise, and many would not have the courage even to raise
the subject. An inadequate tea brings opprobrium only onto the tea-maker.
Fluid intake is critical, especially on hot days. Some alfresco teas offer orange squash
in place of tea, but old stagers continue to prefer tea even if the taste of the drink gives
little clue to its identity. "Look here, steward, if this is coffee, I want tea: but if
this is tea, I wish for coffee", said a Punch cartoon of a hundred years ago. Whatever
it is, there should be a lot of it.
Where should the tea be taken? The sheer distance between Cryfield pitches and pavilion,
especially the Lakeside pitch, dictates that the tea interval cannot be shorter than 45 minutes
and can easily extend to an hour if the tea is, as usual, set out upstairs in the pavilion.
Only here is it practical to serve tea rather than orange squash with the meal. So there
is the choice: get on with the game but drink cold squash beside the pitch, or meander
stiffly up to the pavilion and back again to enjoy a full tea but risk finishing the game
in the twilight. Captains vary in their opinions and in their willingness to accept the
tea-maker's preference. They "…sometimes counsel take, and sometimes tea",
to bowdlerise Pope.
The pavilion staff will open the barred gate for a car loaded with the tea, if it is to be
taken beside the pitch. This is a hard-won concession that needs to be used from time to
time just to maintain it, rather as a landowner shuts certain paths one day a year to prevent
the establishment of a right of way. Would that the Warwick Waffen security would adopt
a liberal attitude rather than the universal prohibition otherwise practised.
Some teas really are taken down to the mini-pavilions by more adventurous providers, but
most of the time the tea is taken in the main pavilion. There is a good kitchen with all
the facilities needed. A good urn and teapot were donated some years ago by one of the
older players but these have since been commandeered by Coventry City F.C., who claim to
have supplied them themselves. This is yet another example of the careless behaviour of
those involved in an industry that exists in a complete moral vacuum. Various milk jugs,
spoons and so forth remain from the original donation but are not used. No matter; there
is plenty of equipment there.
Pavilion staff will often help with the business of making the tea. This can go well
beyond the call of duty and is a greatly welcomed service, for which the Club is truly
thankful. If, as is usually the case, the tea-maker is playing in the match it is very
useful to have the urn switched on and some of the mess cleared up afterwards.
The duty ground staff stays on until the end of every game and assistance with the whole
business of putting on cricket matches is truly valuable.
Even amongst Staff cricketers most people know how to make tea. The urn takes less than
half-an-hour to boil three gallons of water, and the teapot takes 15-20 teabags according
to taste. Milk and sugar are supplied by the tea-maker; two pints of milk is always enough.
A quantity of half-pint white mugs is available - Churchill 10oz. Standard white mugs, for anyone wishing to reorder.
There is a wide divergence of views about what food should be on offer. It is up to the
tea-maker to provide what he can within a reasonable cost, which has risen over the years to
around £2.50 and lies always between £2 and £3. The tea-maker should not, please, aim to
make a profit for himself.
Several classes of tea have emerged:
It is up to the tea-maker to choose his style.
He has complete freedom in this, in the certain knowledge that other people's styles
are different and so his will attract comment.
It is universally believed that sandwiches are an essential element of the cricket
tea, but there is a big difference between a satisfying sandwich and a pawky sandwich.
The fillings should be damp. Nothing is more disappointing to the thirsty mouth than
to bite on a sandwich filled only with grated cheese, especially when the tea is too hot
to gulp. Egg sandwiches with plenty of mayonnaise are excellent, and most things with
salad to provide lubrication find ready acceptance. Sandwiches should be generously filled
even if it means that there are fewer of them.
Cakes too should not be dry. Cakes almost always go well but those with a filling are
the most relished. Quiches are naturally full of liquid and easy to eat but the pastry
is too often left on the side of the plate.
It is surprising how many cricketers appear to get much of their daily calorific
requirement from their tea. A reasonable calculation of the food required turns out
to leave people looking around for more. It is a good plan to cater generously for
25 people. Three well-filled loaves of sandwiches will vanish like a veteran's googly.
There are often vegetarians to cater for and this can only reasonably be done by
ensuring that not all the sandwiches have meat fillings, and so on. Vegetarians can then
tear their salad like rabbits. The tigerish Johnson would not have approved, but
then his thoughts on the whole game of cricket would surely have been shot through
with irony. His dictionary definition might have been "A game played by wastrels
with time on their hands and the ball on the ground", and his opinion about the cricket
tea "Superfluous refreshment supposed to sustain the cricketer but truly intended
to ensure that his game is concluded only when hostelry doors are open".
Johnson would only have been half right.
Premier Division KO Cup Winners 2007
2nd XI (AKA 'The Killer B's') |