Random Quotes

Back to roleplay

Here is a selection of random quotes from people we know from a variety of situations.
AD&D - Shadowrun - Vampire: The Masquerade - Feng Shui - Real Life


Mike: If a cow is dropped on you, whatever your hitpoints are, you end up on one.
Huw: Even if you were on -1?

Mike: Take one damage from flying glass.
Dave: Wow! Glass with wings!

Pete: I'm not that transparent.
Huw: Your motives are though.

Ed: Deal with them? What, burn them [farmhouses] down?
Huw: Er... No.
Ed: Well it'll stop people getting kidnapped from them!

Huw: Please remember there are lots of nasty things I can do with a long sword.
Ed: Oooo. You deviant!

Ed: (Standing in a pit full of oil) I'm so glad I wasn't carrying a torch.

Dave: Here Dragon Dragon. Bard-onna-stick!

Mike: if Ed rolls Yatzee on a fireball, do we get double damage
CHORUS: Oh for _fucks_ sake!

Alan: You see a 14 foot thing...
Huw: A two-handed sword!
Alan: with 20 foot tentacles...
Huw: A REALLY cool two-handed sword!!

Mike: Pass the PHB.
Huw: I can't pass something that large

Huw: Is that burnt as in fire, or burnt as in something else?

Mike: Two questions for you. 1. Here's a torch...

Ed: If we hear a scream, we know it is dangerous...

Dave: Ed has extremly painful hands. [Ed playing a wizard has got rope burns]
Huw: What, burning hands?

Huw: That little thing called the cataclysm?
Alan: Well, to be honest, cataclysm don't tend to be small things...

Dave: After the two rounds it takes the party to recover from being stunned after the kender proclaims that she is not stupid...

Dave: Huw, what are you doing?
Huw: Erm... Er... Panicing.

Dave: You grab the staff
Paul: Does it have a knob on the end?
Dave: Yes: Huw...

Alan: I wade through the deep, murky, flavour text...

Huw: I put my fingers in my ears and try to detect noise...

Huw: (after slinging a stone into a monsters eye) I never ;ose a staring contest...

Dave: You believe it is a Catoblepas.
Ed: Bless you...

Dave: Ooo, look. It's a PHB
Paul: Pointy Haired Boss?

Alan: What are you doing?
Huw: What makes you think I'm doing something.
Alan: I know you!

Huw: When you and Paul say things like "sigh", do you mean sigh with a "g" or sigh with a "p"?

Paul: I have spelt your name correctly Huw. (Huw bows) W.A.N.K.E.R...

Huw: Well it is random.
Paul: Bit like you then Huw.

Dave: You hit one [a snake] and it goes "Ow! You bastard!"
Paul: Ooo, talking snakes!

Dave: Doh, Doh, Doh!
Huw: We come across Homer Simpson?

Dave: You see something large and ugly.
Paul: What, Pete?

Huw: I refuse to fight something larger than my house.

Dave: He keeps thinking I'm a bloke despite the pair of tits.
Paul: What, Huw & Pete?

Mike: Who's female... He's female.

Paul: There's only two females in the party.
Dave: Though being female, they may change their mind at any moment...

Huw: I investigate the pouches with caution, care and intelligence.
(Howls of laughter erupt round the room...)


Huw: Called shot on the knobbly staff.
Dave: Go-on, shoot the knob on the end...

Andrew: He checks for a pulse on the head which is 3ft away from the body.

Seb: Attack from above.
Huw: I look up.
Dave: You see a small tac falling down on you.

Pete: Is he attached to the car?
Dave: Well he's probably a bit pissed that you ripped the door off.

Ed: Waving your armpit at him, that'll be torture enough.
Huw: Ok. I wake him up by waving my armpit at him.
Dave: That's more likely to knock him out again.

Pete: I've still got three combat pool left and no-one else is likely to hit me.
Huw: There is still the party...

Vampire: The Masquerade

"We could launch an ambush"
"Who? Ambush Who?"
"The Camarilla"
"All of them?!"

The Party come to terms with Corben's Auspex)
"I thought you could go on Auravision"

"Maybe we should ask Scar and Rhett whether we could sacrifice some Sabbat"

"So, which coffin is yours?"
"Second from the left"

(about an enemy haven)
"We need a way to destroy it, but doing it while we're there is probably not a good idea"

"Let's put a stake in his bed, so when he lies down..."

Rhett: "That was...really unwise, perhaps I shouldn't have returned your nose"

DM: "You hear a noise from upstairs - squeak, squeak, squeak"
Corben: "This better not be what I think it is"
Corben: "That's *not* what I was thinking, actually"

(after an infiltration mission, the party dial 666)
Party: "Hello? Vampire Cabs? Could we have a taxi from Elysium to the Sabbat Haven?"

(to the archbishop - A Nosferatu)
Ariadne: "With all these Tzimisce around, why are you still so ugly?"

(Corben succumbs to his Tzimisce Flaw...)
DM: "Roll Dex plus Brawl...halved...minus one..."

DM: "As you walk along, a poster strikes your eye"
Corben: "Oww!"

Adam: "All of Mike's characters have suicidal tendencies"
Mike: "No they don't!"
Adam: "You're offering an Assamite (your) blood..."
(as if to rub it in...when one of Mike's characters is attacked:)
DM: "OK, you break the hold, what now?"
Mike: "I'm going to start dancing provocatively..."

Ariadne: "When I close my eyes, a big translucent spider comes and talks to me in riddles"
Corben: "I... See..."

Sam: "Do you want to accompany me to the morgue?"
Corben: "Is it a date?"

(Corben suggests erasing someone's identity)
Adam: "It worked in 'The Net'"
DM: "Yes, but that was fiction, and this is...ummm..."

NPC: "Cowardice leads many people to betray the Sword of Caine"
Adam: "Cannabis!?"
NPC: "*cowardice*"

(after checking her Character sheet)
Ariadne: "Apparently I don't have Conscience, I have Coincidence"

(about the black hand:)
"Resistance is futile, you will be assassinated!"

(*to* the black hand)
"please don't blow up our haven while we're still in it"

Vine Street Mission:

(Ariadne learns the party doesn't trust her)
Ariadne: "Why did you take my ring?"
Corben: "It had a tracking device inside it"
Ariadne: "Oh..."

(after Corben handed over an NPC to a bounty hunter masquerading as black hand)
Rhett: "The archbishop has heard of no black hand missions in the area"
Sam: "That's my sire!"
Corben: "That *was* your sire..."

(as a punishment, Rhett bonecrafted Corben's legs bent - in that time he used a wheelchair. Soon after, the party decided to kill a black spiral dancer terrorising the city - Rhett and Scar have left town)
"You know that Scar and Rhett have gone on...Sabbat-ical"

Ariadne: "We need to get this creature to Elysium"
Sam: "Let's attach Corben's wheelchair to the back of a car - it'll chase him, especially if we're throwing things at it"
(to Corben)
"At the first sign of danger, you cut yourself loose"
Corben: "The first sign of danger being when the car flips over?"
(the plan, for some reason, is put into action...at one point, the car reverses into a pack of werewolves)
Ariadne: "Run!"
DM: "There's only a score of them..."
Tristan: "A score? That's twelve werewolves I think!!"
DM: "No, twenty"
Tristan: "Oh..."
(later the car did indeed flip over - and exploded)

Wild Woods Mission:

(Ariadne & Ghouls reach their destination during daylight hours)
P.I.: "I get out of the drivers seat and open the doors at the back"
DM : "OK...Ariadne, roll Courage..."

P.I.: "I like him...he's probably going to kill me..."

NPC: "Why do you want to cross the river?"
Ariadne: "To get to the other side."

DM: "It's skin, just skin, there's a cut down one side"
P.I. "Oh No! It's a Predator! There's a Predator here!!"

DM: "At this, your mouth stretches out to about (gestures approx 1.5m) this size...you feel a little...unusual"

Ariadne: "It must be Thursday, I've never dealt well with Thursdays..."

DM: "Cannibalism?...Make a conscience roll, difficulty eight"
(P.I. rolls 6,6,6)

Ariadne: "I'm looking after you guys' safety"
P.I.: "What safety?"

P.I.: "Vampires to the left of me, werewolves to the right - here I am, stuck in the middle with ghouls"

Feng Shui

Shar: I start my audition.
GM: Roll dance. Um... Okay, Agility minus three.
(Shar rolls -1.)
GM: Your costume flies off and hits the mirror.
Anna: Congratulations, you're hired.
Freddy N: (in booth behind mirror) I turn on the windscreen-wipers.

Freddy N: (explaining Huan Ken's security measures) The scroll seems to be some sort of security check, seeing if anyone trying to pass has the face of a known enemy.
Anna: I use Illusion to make the next person through the check-point look like the Prof.

GM: The foreman says: "Drop that box of firewood down that chute."
Jamie:(shrugging) I drop the box down the chute.
Shar: (in the box) Aaaeeeiiiii...
Shar: I break open the box and brace myself against the walls with my claws.
GM: Okay. Another box is tumbling towards you.
Shar: Aaaeeeiiiii...

Freddy N: I don't think we stand much chance against them, so I'll use Info/Voonerables on the room, to see if we can collapse it.
GM: You get the impression that the most vulnerable thing in the room is the party.
Freddy N: Thought so.

Anna: I fire lightning at the dragon. Okay, plus 5 for the magical area, with fortune...28.
GM: Hits by 8.
Anna: 18 damage.
GM: Soak.

Rik: I leap on the food trolley and head towards the door, grabbing Freddy as I go.
Shar: I leap onto the trolley and start eating the food.
Anna: I fly onto the trolley and use Movement to make it go faster.
(The rest of the party joins the trolley)
Rik: I use driving to steer the trolley towards an exit.
GM: You're approaching a huge set of doors.
Anna: I disintegrate them.
GM: You speed out of the Thunder Pagoda, and start down the largest set of steps in creation.

A superficial shift has replaced Rik's treasured Lanbourghini with a near-wreck estate.
Rik: I get inside. Let's see what this baby can do.

Rik: I fire my shotgun full auto at the mook.
(Rik rolls boxcars, then 11. Enough to hit, but not to kill.)
GM: The mook stands unharmed and opens his jacket to reveal a Kevlar vest. Then the wall falls on him.

Real Life Quotes

Mike: Drinking when drunk is a bad idea

Squeaky (James): But my arm doesn't go down there...

Dave: Andrew! There's a giant wombat at 6 O' Clock!
(Andrew and Adam look behind them)
Adam: Yanno, I'm always disappointed when there isn't a giant wombat behind me...

Ideas for AD&D items:
Pepperami of Accuracy
Thrown Weapon
d6 crushing / d6 flame damage
+2 to hitrolls
Catch Food Proficiency - Default Dex +3
Vorpal Dancing Hackmaster +12 Sword of Party Slaying
Useful for slow games and smiting rules lawyers...

Quantum Slap - GM Spell
Teleports one character not in the immediate area of the game to that area, slaps them, then phases them back to their original positions.

Valid XHTML 1.0!