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Newsgroup/Email

 

There are a few ways of contacting us for whatever reason you desire, easiest is coming up to us and shouting loudly (I'm a bit deaf you see...). Or you could email the exec. Finally you could subscribe to the newsgroup (which only works on a university computer). If you get stuck trying the last one any one of the exec will be more than happy to set it up for you.

And now, here are some Tim Vine jokes:

"I wanted to be a milkman, right - but I didn't have the bottle!!"

"I've played football on a plane you know....
there I was, running up the wing!!!"

"Black beauty, now there's a dark horse!!!"

"So I went into this video shop, and the man asked if I'd like to rent Batman Forever - 
I said 'No...just for 2 hours!!!!!!' "

"This man pushed me into a bag of peanuts, so I told the police - 
they asked me if I was assaulted - I said 'No - dry roasted!!!' "

"I went to the butchers the other day and the butcher said 
'I bet you 5 you can't guess the weight of that meat on the top shelf'. 
' I'm not gambling!' I said, 'The steaks are too high!!!!!!

"I was in a Chinese restaurant when a duck came up to me with a rose and said: 
'Your eyes sparkle like the stars'. So I said to the waiter: 'Excuse me, I ordered aromatic duck!!!!!!'

"I threw some snow at my girlfriend. She didn't catch my drift."

"Did you hear Handel has teamed up with Hinge and Bracket? 
They've formed The Doors!!!!!"

"I was taking the motorway out of London. 
A policeman pulled me over and said: 'Put it back'

"I've got a sponge door....don't knock it."

"So I took my dog for a walk and it was really angry - 
well it would be it's a cross breed!!"

"So I said to my Mum 'I'm going to the funfair' - 
she said 'Oooooh will you go on the Ghostrain?' - I said 'No, I'll walk'"

"I saw a bargain the other day, a TV set for 1. 
Only problem was the volume control which was stuck on full. Come on, how can you turn that down?"

"I used to go shoplifting on the shoulders of a load of vampires. 
Then I got caught and charged with burglary on three counts!"

"So I went to Buckingham Palace to cut Prince William's hair. I said to the policeman, 
'Can you let me in to the car park, I'm here to cut Prince William's hair?' 
The policeman said 'Have you got a permit?' - I said, 'No, just a bit off the back!!!!' "